Read the title again. Read it again. Are you a writer? Or maybe you're one of the phonies... the problem, not the messiah? What am I even talking about?
I have been a writer my whole life, I started when I'd make up stories about how I was late home from school because a dragon had blocked the pathway and I had to battle him to the death... definitely not that I was playing football. Throughout my life I've read books, ever since I could read I read the newspaper everyday and now that I make a living as a writer/director I read a lot of bad scripts AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
I've found that about 10 percent of the scripts I read are even close to being good, I read a lot of scripts and the majority of them are pure 100% stinky, horrid pieces of shit. I've had migraines evolve because it was less painful than continuing to read a script... That's not a joke. Of course somewhere out there are the people who write these steaming piles of excrement. The "writer" who will clog the toilet which is the way for a new writer to be discovered with their rancid work. The writer who "saw a bad movie and thought, I can write a better script than that." and who thinks that this crappy script I'm reading is amazeballs.
If you watch a "bad" movie and think you write a better script, and that is the reason you began writing then "FUCK YOU". You think it's easy writing a story about complex relationships with engaging dialogue, endearing characters who resonate and feel like old friends? You think you can just snap your knuckles and win a fucking Oscar? FUCK YOU.
The bottom line is that screenwriting, any writing which is fictional is not a skill. It's not something that you can learn. Fiction writing is a talent, YOU CANNOT LEARN TALENT. You can learn skills, but without the talent skills are useless. Sure, a skilled writer can write a script which may not induce head shrinking migraines, HOWEVER, follow up reading that script with one by a talented writer who has taken the time to learn the skills. WOW, it'll blow your mind. It's as if the talented writer can tell a story right there on the page.
Crazy!
Imagine if you will that I could press a button on my keyboard and all of the talentless writers in the film business were instantly vaporized (I'm pressing buttons hoping that it's working), now with 90% of the "writers" gone who are left? Talented storytellers. THESE ARE THE REAL WRITERS. Writing is about telling stories, not about getting massive paychecks and going to Hollywood parties (although I like a good party!).
There is another problem though, 90% of what's left are writing the wrong thing! Why? Because they're trying to write what will sell instead of what they want to write. If you're not writing from the heart then you're doing it wrong.
I belong to several writer groups, some of them good, some of them just awful and some of them becoming too diluted for my liking. Throughout all of them though there is a common occurrence, there's always a few loud mouth idiots telling everyone how to do things... the wrong way. These people are not trying to be bad news, they think they're helping, they're just not supposed to be writers... they're probably producers, those guys haven't got a clue!! (Before any gets angry, I'm a producer too!).
I see conversations where people argue over whether they should buy Final Draft or continue to use CeltX. Good question, there is but one answer: Professional writers use Final Draft (or that movie magic or whatever it's called). Should I buy a macbook to write my masterpiece on? Well if you need a macbook buy one, if not you can get FD for PC (I love my mac btw, but if you're only writing then get a cheap laptop and spend the cash on PROFESSIONAL software instead).
Regardless of if you write with CeltX, Final Draft or the other one on an ipad, macbook, pc, laptop, iphone, android phone, fridge magnet, WHATEVER, if you don't instinctively know how to tell a frickin' story then you'll never be a professional writer. Sadly about 90% of "writers" don't know how to write stories, they know the skills required to write a script and that means jack shit when I'm reading scripts guys.
I have already rambled and blabbed on for too long so I will leave you with my lists of reasons to be a screenwriter and my list of reasons you should not think make you a screenwriter a screenwriter and I'll write more about this subject later this week.
REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT THINK MAKE YOU A SCREENWRITER:
1: You saw a bad movie and you know you can do better than that -- FUCK YOU
2: You want to be rich and writing a script is easy money -- FUCK YOU
3: You want to work in the movies and writer is the easiest job -- DOUBLE FUCK YOU
4: Your friends all think you're funny so you're going to write the best comedy ever -- FUCK YOU
5: You've seen a million movies, how hard can it be? -- FUCK YOU
6: You are the greatest writer in the world, without doubt -- FUCK YOU (this one is jealousy!)
7: You want to meet movie stars so you need a script to present -- FUCK YOU
8: You heard that writing a script is easy -- FUCK YOU
9: Money, Money Money -- OMFG FUCK YOU
10: Kevin Smith did it -- Fuck you, Kevin Smith is a talented mofo. Seriously.
REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD BE A SCREENWRITER:
1: You have stories burning you up from the inside that you need to tell cinematically.
2: See number one, there is no other valid reason other than you need to tell stories because that is your number one talent and it is the most important thing to you in the whole entire world. You'd do it for free if it meant that you could do it... you might even pay to do it because you love it so much. It's a passion in your belly that you need to satisfy by WRITING.
OH and just before anyone has a little "who the fuck are you to say that about writers?" kind of attack at me:
My name is Dave McGlone, I write and direct movies. I've been award nominated, I've been told that my dialogue sucked, I've been told that I was the freshest voice in writing for decades (thanks, Mom). I've made three short films and one feature film. None of them have had a bad review. I write because I love it, it is a burning passion within me and I love it. Would I write a script for free? YES. Would I pay to be allowed to write? YES.
Check out my movie ALL OR NOTHING @ www.facebook.com/dervanprod
Have a nice day and...
Write On... except for you 90 percenters!
Dave
